Re: The Ultimate Joke Thread

[Lumí]

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson,

“Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.”

Davidson thinks about it and says, “I wanna hang out with God, Himself.”

The feathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God,

“Hey, aren’t you the inventor of Woman?”

God says, “Ah, yes.”

Well,” says Davidson, “you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There’s too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters at high speeds.
3. The rear end wobbles too much, and
4. the intake is placed too close to the exhaust.”

“Hmmm…” replies God, “hold on.”

God goes to the Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.

“It may be that my invention is flawed,” God replies to Arthur Davidson, but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours.”
**********************************************************************
¤ PS ¤ I really love those motorcycles
¤ PPS ¤ I think God's got a wicked sense of humor.

[Bozz]

Late one night, a robber wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money,? he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a politician!" " then In that case", replied the robber, "give me my money!"

[Florent]

hahahahahah i couldnt breath when I read the priest and the girl OH MY GOD! Hahahah.

There were somewhere in the 1600-century a man has invented a new idea.
He started to sell apple cores, 1 core costed as much 1 kg apple costed, for example 1 euro for 1kg apples, he sold 1 core for 1 euro.

So an old man passed thru market and asked the man whats so special with the cores.

The man said: You become smart if u eat them.

So the old man paid for one, and then said tell me how to use them.

The man who sold them, said wait until all buy them then I tell them.

After 15 minitues the old man called everyone.

The man who sold them said, you just eat them and then you become smart.

The old man did that, after 10 minitues he came back to the man who sold those cores and said:
You fucking bastard you have cheated, I could buy 1 kg apples for my family and take all the cores they have, but I just paid 1 euro for 1, your idiot.

The man who sold the cores said: What did I tell you, this cores makes you smart

[Arnold Schwarzenegger]

Once upon a time there were 2 stupid wolves who went to the forest

One of the wolves asked the other one: Do you see the forest already? The other dumb wolf replies: No because the trees are infront of it

[Florent]

Mr Mackey:
OH MY GOD U SAVED MY BORING NIGHT. HAHAHAHA!

[conex]

Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates.

"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.

"Adam."

"That's correct. Enter." Soon another man came along.

"Where did Adam and Eve live?"

"Eden."

That's correct. Enter." Then Mother Theresa came along.

"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"

"Mmm, that IS a hard one."

"Enter."

[Ancient]

Just got a new South African girlfriend. I've discovered if I write "VUVUZELA" down the side of my cock, she can blow it for over 90 minutes.

[DarkNess]

Just got a new South African girlfriend. I've discovered if I write "VUVUZELA" down the side of my cock, she can blow it for over 90 minutes.

Roflmao

[Lumí]

You know you've been in Finland too long when...

1.
You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you should keep to take to
the store and which can be sacrificed to garbage.

2.
As you walk past the Parliament Building in Helsinki, and see the statue is titled "Svinhufvud" you
no longer read it as "Swinehead". Instead you think "What a good Swedish name!"

3.
When a stranger on the street smiles at you:
a. you assume he is drunk
b. he is insane
c. he's an American

4.
You don't think twice about putting the wet dishes away in the cupboard to dry.

5.
A friend asks about your holiday plans and you answer "Oh, I'm going to Europe!" meaning
any other Western European country outside Scandinavia.

6.
You no longer scrunch up or fold your paper money. You always put your money in your wallet.

7.
You see a student taking a front row seat and wonder "Who does he think he is!!??"

8.
Silence is fun.

9.
The reason you take the ferry to Stockholm is:
a. duty free vodka
b. duty free beer
c. to party hearty no need to get off the boat in Stockholm, just turn around
and do it again on the way back to Finland.

10.
Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 10 scoops per pot.

11.
You pass a grocery store and think "Wow, it is open, I had better go in an buy something!"

12.
Your native language has seriously deteriorated, now you begin to "eat medicine",
"open the television", "close the lights off", and tell someone "you needn?t to!"
Expressions like "Don't panic" creep into your everyday language.

13.
You associate pea soup with Thursday.

14.
Your idea of unforgivable behavior now includes walking across the street when the light is red
and there is no WALK symbol, even though there are no cars in sight.

15.
Your notion of street life is reduced to the few teenagers hanging out in front of the railway
station on Friday nights.

16.
Your bad mood becomes your good mood.

17.
Sundays no longer seem dull with all the stores closed, and begin to feel restful instead.

18.
"No comment" becomes a conversation strategy.

19.
You finally stop asking your class "Are there any questions?"

20.
The fact that all of the "v's" and the "w's" are together in the phone directory seems right.

21.
Your old habit of being "Fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.

22.
Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.

23.
You begin to understand Jussi Jyylanpaarvi's broadcast of the hockey game.

24.
You refuse to wear a hat, even in -30 degree weather.

25.
You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
a. they are drunk
b. the are Swedish-speaking
c. they are American
d. all of the above.

26.
You give up on trying to find fat-free food and pile on the butter, cream and sugar.

27.
You know how to fix herring in 105 different ways.

28.
You eat herring in 105 ways.

29.
You no longer look at sports pants as casual wear, but recognize them as semi-formal wear.

30.
You can now reconstruct the missing letters on a building. For example MERI.LIITTO OY.

31.
You have undergone a transformation:
a. you accept mustamakkara (Black-blood sausage) as food
b. you accept alcohol as food
c. you accept.

32.
You understand why the Finnish language has no future tense.

33.
You no longer have to search for the flushing mechanism.

34.
You no longer see any problem wearing white socks with loafers.

35.
You no longer correct people who say MAC Donald's.

36.
You just love Jaffa.

37.
You've come to expect Sunday morning sidewalk vomit dodging.

38.
You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get wasted."

39.
You enjoy salmiakki.

40.
You know that "men?s public bathroom" is another phrase for sidewalk.

41.
You know that more than three channels means cable.

42.
You get all the Swedish jokes.

43.
When you're hungry you can peel a boiled potato like lightning.

44.
You've become lactose intolerant.

45.
You accept that 80 degrees C in a sauna is chilly, but 20 degrees C outside is freaking hot.

46.
YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIVE ANYWHERE BUT IN FINLAND!!!!

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